Problems With Commitment
Being in a relationship takes a lot of work. There needs to be a joint effort on both sides in order to make it go smoothly in good times and bad times. When you finally think you have “the one” you start wondering if they feel the same way about you. As the relationship progresses you want to move forward by either moving in together or possibly getting married.
Everybody has a different time frame in their mind to which they feel a more solid commitment should occur. For me, I think that point is after dating someone exclusively for two years. By then both partners should be thinking about what the next step will be. But what do you do when you feel your partner isn’t at that point yet? An honest up front talk is always a good approach. Bringing this topic to the forefront is a good idea. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know where you stand. But, be prepared for an honest answer. It may not be what you want to hear. There are lots of reasons people do not want to commit. They might not feel your relationship has reached that level yet. If you’ve been arguing lately, that may have something to do with it. Or they may feel money is an issue. Some people like to feel grounded in their career before taking their relationship to a serious level. They may want to make sure they’re in a good financial position too. Another reason I have heard for people not wanting to commit is if they didn’t have great role models as kids. Many times people who come from families of divorced parents or those that had dysfunctional families find it difficult to commit to a relationship. They’re unsure of how they feel in general about long term committed relationships.
Some people who wish to be further committed, give their partner an ultimatum. They might give them a timeline in which to move forward. If their partner does not agree and move forward by that point, they let them know in advance that the relationship will be over and they will need to move on. This isn’t always the best way to tackle this issue. Their partner may be angry and not appreciate this ultimatum. The pressure they face due to this may push the couple further apart. On the other hand, if you’ve been dating for a long period of time and things don’t seem to be going anywhere, this might be your only alternative. You know your partner best and which option would work better for you. Don’t let the opinions of others force you into discussing commitment with your partner if you’re not ready. Our families sometimes assume that because you’ve been a couple for a while that you should move forward together. It is not uncommon for them to voice their opinion to you both. Brush it off. It is your relationship. Only you and your partner can decide what’s best for you.
